On Turning 30....Part 1

Sooo, on July 5, 2010, at exactly 2:00 a.m., I will have officially been on this planet 30 years....in this lifetime, anyway. There are things that I have figured out, and things that I am still processing...but this blog series is not about that. This series is about the shit that I KNOW. Its not a fount of knowledge; just my personal truths... How things are...as I see them. Differ if you like, comment if you want...or not. Hell, so far, only one person reads this shit, and he will probably disagree with most of it. LMAO

But hey....it is what it is.

That being said, here is

The Dirty 30: Part 1 - LIES

There is a plethora of knowledge that is shared by the infamous and all-knowing "THEY". The knowledge from this "THEY" permeates every facet of our society, encouraging group thought, and discouraging, through sheer arrogance, the idea that the School of Hard Knocks is a GOOD THING...in essence, discouraging us to, as Zora puts it in my favorite book, Their Eyes Were Watching God, "find out about living for [ourselves]." Well, anyone who knows me knows that I am SERIOUSLY stubborn and SERIOUSLY hard-headed, so....I went down to that School of Hard Knocks and got myself a diploma in a few subjects - one of which is -

FAMOUS LIES THAT TURNED OUT TO BE
UTTER BULLSHIT!!!

1. Always be honest in long term relationships.
This is that bullshit! Now, don't get me wrong; your partner should be able to TRUST you...to KNOW that you have his/her best interests at heart in all matters. But, by NO stretch of the imagination should "honesty be the best policy" when you are in a relationship...at least, not if you want to stay in one for long. Look around...the young folks are shaking their heads at how "jaded" and "untrustworthy" I sound; the old folks are nodding in agreement. I will take my (platinum) membership card in the club of grown ass fuckin woman now, thank you very much! And you young mufukas...keep livin dammit!

2. If you make you passion your job, you will never work a day in your life.

Poppycock! No matter what you do, no matter how much you LOVE what you do, WORK IS WORK, and PLAY IS PLAY. Now, if you choose what you LOVE to do as your job, you will never just DRAG yourself to work wishing that a bus would run your ass over right before crossing the threshhold into your building, but WORK IS WORK IS WORK, and there is no way around that shit. WORK HARD, PLAY HARD, LIVE WELL, NO REGRETS (but not really; there are always a few) and that is LIFE.

3. The only constant in life is change.
Who comes up with this garbage? Yeah, things in life change...but the BIG changes...the ones you WANT to happen, the ones in yourself...towards your goals and dreams, you have to MAKE happen. Outside of factors beyond your control, you can CHOOSE to live the same damn weeks, months, and years for the rest of your life...if you CHOOSE not to KEEP THAT SHIT MOVING! The only thing is: 1. While you are sitting/standing still people around you will be moving, and 2. Every once in awhile, something/someone will come along and move your cheese.


4. There is someone for everyone.
It pains me to type that one more than the reader of this blog could ever know...more than you, dear eventual reader (if you are even out there) could ever possibly fathom. I see people doing all kinds of things out of desperation and lonliness...bitterness and fatigue with being trapped inside the den of their own unshared, unmoved emotions far too long ALL THE TIME. THESE LOST SOULS ARE EVERY WHERE. In fact, it is my personal opinion that they cause the most misery in the world...they comprise most of the world's "hater" population. Where is the person for them? Where is the person for me?

I am sure that this shit is rather long, but it will become longer still...the next time I run into a lie that "THEY" say; I might be back...or not.

Thanks for reading...whoever you are.

What's in a Title?

I am not entirely convinced that I will ever be married. I say this not because I am one of those jaded people who believes that it is pointless to get married in the first place, OR that there are "no good men out there", but because I have a definition of marriage which demonstrates a mix of some seemingly rare old-fashioned values, as well as some relatively unorthodox new age values, especially among Black men.

For some reason, I am still stubbornly holding on to the concept of marrying a Black man...but that is another blog I suppose I will write when/if I finally wave the white flag on the idea. :-/

Anywho, I don't want to be in a 15 year relationship in which I have "shacked up" with a man, had his children, and mingled our credit together, yet I still don't bear his last name (hyphenated or otherwise LMAO...just kidding...probably not hyphenated...I'm not all that attached to my last name).

I still believe marriage to be a legitimate institution, just not the way that most people do it these days, and to a certain extent, not the way that it has been done in the past....That being said, here is a blog response from Myspace on the matter.

A fellow blogger basically asked the question, "Does THE TITLE of "wife" trump "happiness" in importance when it comes to relationships? Would you stay with a man who made you happy, even though you weren't married?"

This was my answer:

The problem (as I see it, IMHO) has to do with the fact that these days THE TITLE doesn't mean what it is supposed to mean. Above and beyond "happiness" THE TITLE is SUPPOSED to imply/indicate a deep, mental, spiritual and emotional commitment...through good times and bad...no matter what we have to wade through, with faith in God, ourselves, and our love:

A. We WILL do it TOGETHER
B. We WILL remain together for the sake of raising a STRONG (BLACK) FAMILY
C. No matter how much we argue, fuss, fight, etc. when it comes down to it, we have each others' backs....

Really, its all about the level of loyalty to your partner, and how much you are willing to stake on that loyalty.

The TITLE is SUPPOSED to indicate a place of importance and respect...a place of honor, for both man and woman. It is a man honoring the woman's wish for STABILITY and SECURITY by "officially" AND legally uniting OURSELVES as well as our efforts, and reputation - credit, family name, all THAT good shit. It is also a MAN taking his place as a man, since many men like the idea of SUBMISSION from the Black female , WITH EVERYTHING THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT. Guys typically amen a speaker/blogger on wanting a woman to submit; y'all gotta pay the cost to be the boss, right? Come on now!

*Sidenote: Personally, I like the idea of marriage as PURE partnership itself, indicating total equality....but that's another blog for another day that I have written too many times on Myspace. I am done preaching that particular gospel.*

The trouble comes in when people hop that broom without understanding what THE TITLE means. First, and above all else I have said, it means love (I'm DEFINITELY NOT the Bible thumping mofo around these parts, as there are many things in there I disagree with, but the definition in Corinthians pretty much covers what I mean by that, as far as spiritual principles go). It means an understanding that we will be together through the times when HAPPINESS is running a little low...cause sometimes you gotta work at that shit...and if it never rained, you wouldn't appreciate the sunshine. The kind of love you have to cultivate to stay married is the kind that endures through all...that unconditional shit. I love you...PERIOD.

Now, that is not to say that people can not do this in a long-term, live-in committed, yet unmarried relationship...but that is to say that when you stand before your family, friends, and last but not least GOD and declare as a grown man or woman this is what you will do, this is who you will be, and this is what your relationship is supposed to be about, IT MEANS SOMETHING.

There is a difference between a marriage just plain not working because either or both parties have NO REAL COMMITMENT to each other, and one that is not working due to issues that need to be addressed and compromised on...in my opinion, the divorce rate is so high because people are not always willing to BE that committed in the first place, and they don't always demonstrate an understanding of the fact that being married is a decision you make every day, and you have to WORK at it to keep it going.

I am not just PRO marriage, but I would definitely not say don't worry about marriage if you are happy, because if you are really happy in and committed to that relationship, then that relationship deserves its proper title.

My $ .02

Rubik's Cube

I guess I haven't had enough with my trip down memory lane yet. LOL

This is some EXCELLENT advice from an old friend. Enjoy......

Remember when two of the most popular games on Earth were tests of your intelligence? Tetris and Rubik's cube. I've always dominated Tetris like Putin rocks the Kremlin. I'm that good, but up until now I've never figured out that infernal cube. Until now. Amaze your friends with this one:

How to solve a Rubik's cube in world record time.

These are painless, easy steps, and you will impress everyone to no end.

Step 1: Purchase cube.

Step 2: Take home.

Step 3: Take out of wrapper.

Step 4: Set on desk.

Step 5: Tell passers by that you have solved the cube, for evidence, hold up the cube and show them.

That's the trick of it all. If you can exert enough self discipline to not touch the cube, you have solved it. It comes solved.

This cube is a metaphor for life.

Or an instruction manual.

If you have the required discipine not to fuck the cube up, you have solved it. The cube only gets as fucked up as you make it. It comes to you in a state of perfect being, and all you ever do is undo the mistakes you have put into it.

You win the game by undoing your own mistakes.

Are you listening to me? Is this clear enough to all of you?

To recap, the cube is you.

You come into life perfect in every way.

The only one who screws it up is you.

The game is to undo your own mistakes to get back to a state of perfection.

If you have the discipline to never fuck it up in the first place, you are the smartest man alive. And the Ska Brothers will vouch for you.

If you ever repost or resend one of my blogs to people, this is the one.

-- Johnny Ska, of the Ska Brothers

Cheers, to fixing mistakes, and not fucking up the cube ;-)

Petals and Thorns - In the Classroom

As this school year draws to a close, I find it harder to live in the moment. My mind is already looking forward to a summer of planning...figuring out what worked, throwing away what didn't, getting organized, etc.

For the most part, my students love me....and that is almost a problem. I say almost because I would prefer that they hate me but say, "We sure did learn a lot though."

Or....maybe not.

I have had several students speak to me in confidence...about what? Well I won't say...that's confidence, ya know?

But the teachers they hated would never have been approached with the kinds of personal problems that change an individual's outlook on the world. If everyone is the super teacher that kids hate, who is going to be the one they feel that they can talk to? And with what they are going through, TRUST they need to talk to someone.

These days, its all about striking a balance. More than ever, next year, I am determined to BE the rose...sweet enough to make you smile, with thorns enough to demand respect and care when dealing with me. But what I honestly want is more than that. I am not deluded enough to think that I will turn out 180 self-reliant, respectful, intrinsically motivated individuals damn near ready for college after 166 days of instruction....but I can do better than I did in working towards that lofty goal this year.

LOL....my kids are spoiled. They are still asking me or classmates to define words (sometimes with a computer in front of them) rather than finding out for themselves. They will ask me a question in class RIGHT after I have answered it in instructions. This simply won't do.

Yet, some of them will have amazing insights into literature and relationships that they weren't having when they came to me...at least not at first. I can see where they have grown, but it isn't enough for me to feel comfortable with them going on. However, the year is over. My time with them is done. Whatever they didn't get from me, I will have to trust the next teacher(s) to give them...and them to reach out and grab it for themselves. Some of them I hate to see step into someone's college the way they are now...but all I can do is trust in next year's growth, maturity, their personal drive and their educators to finish the job.

I hope they never give me seniors...at least, not until I feel that I am ready for them. I would hate to be the last stop on their trip to "The Real World" (the REAL real world...not that bullshit on MTV. More like The Cosby Show spin-off...A Different World)

So, fair reader, this is me, fine-tuning the recipe.

A Great Teacher Has/Demonstrates/Uses.....

1. Open-mindedness balanced with demand for respect
2. Relevancy to draw students into content balanced with a demand that they DO learn the content.
3. Attitude which invites students to think, while making it impossible to pass if they don't (I think I might ALMOST have this one down :-) )
4. A "hard as nails" demeanor balanced with an approachable attitude...DON'T mess with me, but you CAN talk to me (again...getting there)
5. Professionalism balanced with an attitude that makes students aware that they can relate their teacher (almost)
6. A disciplined classroom balanced with allowance for freedom and free thought (getting there)
7. Rigor in instruction balanced with ease of comprehension for students

I suppose I will revisit this next year - if I am still here - to add to this list and update my progress.

If you don't teach, I doubt you will even understand what I am saying or why I am saying it. Just know that if you think about your BEST teachers as people and instructors, you might find that they mastered this delicate balance between the petals and thorns in education.